Houston Home Staging
mourns the life,
and celebrates the loss (!?!?)
of:
Tom Scanlon
ASP, RESA-PRO, M.O.U.S.E
Creative Director
Houston Home Staging
Thomas Frances Scanlon
will,
this Thursday,
March 11, 2014...
...enter his right eyebrow into eternal rest!
A recent diagnosis of basil/basal (one is an herb, the other: not so much) carcinoma upon the visage of the inimitable Scanlon leaves invasive/life-challenging (so he says) Mohs surgery as his only viable cure/option.
Scanlon has stuck to the 'man-code' and taken this literal mole hill, and turned it into a mountain!
From Wickipedia:
Man-code dictates that all men are required to ignore early symptoms of treatable and easily cured disease. In this regard, most men will wait until the leprosy rots off an arm before seeking assistance. However, while ignoring the symptoms, most men will not go quietly into that dark night. A man with a slight headache or cold, will (and must) at first, secure his martyrdom by informing friends and family that: "it's nothing really". However, when asked to execute some previously agreed to household chore, every man, is entitled to invoke the slight headache or cold as an excuse as to why the household chore, can not, and will not be performed!
The degree to which men can milk this man-code depends upon their birth order:
First born males, are taught to suck-it-up, and generally they do.
Second born, and middle children are doomed to a lifetime spent in over-achievement, and are easily identified as second born or middle born by their 'look-at-me, look-at-me' antics! Second born and middle born men have perfected the passive/aggressive, man code technique that we describe here. They've spent their lives honing skills that they hoped would magically transform them into 'first-born' status, and it is from this group, that all man-code devotees perfect their man-code skillsets.
Males who enter the family as 'the baby' or 'last child' recognized early on, that their parents were exhausted from the raising and maintenance of the older siblings. These children realized that no one really cared, and that if they wanted a cure for their polio, they'd have to invent the vaccine themselves.
Earlier this year, close friends(?) of Scanlon were treated to an extraordinary
rendition and recreation of Fred Sanford's soliloquy:
"Lizabeth, I'm coming to join you!"
In December of 2013, Scanlon's year long bout of heart palpitations reached their crescendo. Throughout the year, Scanlon ignored the shooting pains in both arms, numbness in the extremities, shortness of breath, and general malaise that are generally associated with failing arteries, and heart surgery. Ignoring the symptoms, (while softly exclaiming his suffering) delivered no extra presents to his Yule-tide tree In fact, no string bean casseroles, home baked cookies, or floral tributes were offered, delivered, or even suggested as consolation to Scanlon during this period.
Finally, Scanlon was forced to seek treatment from a doctor whose credentials included affiliations with Houston's DeBakey Heart Institute!
Cold weather forced the delay of Scanlon's initial appointment with this esteemed Doctor. Being the trouper that he is/was, Scanlon laid about the house, while executing a Oscar-worthy performance of Alexandre Dumas' Camille! Instructing his nearest and dearest to print up multiple copies of the Do Not Resuscitate, and Power-of-Attorney document, Scanlon (and his partner) lingered through not "The Lost Weekend", but "the-longest-weekend-ever-suffered-by-a-roommate-of-a-man"!
Scanlon's best known quote:
"I know a short story...
I just can't tell one........
So, let's get to the point. Heart attack? Stroke? Vascular disease?
Nope!
Stress, and an over-indulgence of jalapeno!
Yup!
Yup!
Prescription: Yoga, and a suggestion that he lay-off-the-spicy-foods-you-idiot. It was further suggested that the loss of a few pounds off his morbidly obese frame might result in a less symptomatic life, improve the situation dramatically!
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Services for Thomas Scanlon and the Interment of Scanlon's eyebrow will be private!
Floral tributes may be sent to the home (no carnations please)!
All of Houston (and Katy) will mourn the loss of the uni-brow that had been so thoroughly enjoyed by Scanlon's clients, and fans. We will miss that all-too-telling 'raised-eyebrow' that signaled the re-telling of Scanlon's prior (but short-lived) Parisian experience(s), which then led to a 30 minute dissertation on how ALL sofa's should be placed on the diagonal .........
Our best case scenario: finds Scanlon with a removed eyebrow, but stitching that raises the remaining brow-line into a look of permanent surprise. Scanlon himself, has expressed a rather odd wish that this surgery results in a rather Norma Desmond/Sunset Boulevard 'look'! He envisions himself descending into the grand foyer of his Kelliwood manse, wearing an Yves Saint Laurent turban and caftan, while reviewing old films of Givenchy, Valentino, and Christian Dior fashion shows!
Our worst case scenario: Well, doom and gloom are the calling cards of the Irish/Catholics. A Do Not Resuscitate order will be offered to the dermatologist on Thursday. There has been great interest in the potential 'pulling-the-plug' ceremony and Scanlon is/was nothing, if not a people-pleaser! The original plan was to have a lottery, or to form lines (in alphabetical order) for the honor of pulling the plug. However Those of you wishing to 'pull-the-plug' on Mr. Scanlon, will be delighted to know that a multi-plug outlet has been secured and that (in groups of six) the 'plug' can be pulled. In this fashion, everyone gets some of the pleasure, and yet none of the responsibility for Scanlon's actual demise!
